Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Do's, Don'ts & Misunderstandings of Dating

I had a very long flight back to Salt Lake this afternoon/evening, which gave me lots of time to think about lots of different things.  My mind is like one big search engine... there were few things I didn't think about. So right now after my drive back to Provo from the airport (I had a diet coke to keep me awake.  It's keeping me awake even longer now...) I get to blog about it and I honestly would like to see your opinion on these topics: What to do/not to do/ and "don't even go there's" of dating.  If I miss anything really important of the Do's and Don'ts of dating- PLEASE write them in the comments.  There were only a few things I was thinking about in particular.

1. The "lean over and pop your date's door" act.
Now, I have older siblings, and have grown up seeing my sister (upon her date opening the door for her to enter the car) lean over and pop the door open for her date as he is walking around the car to get in OR the date to the same thing for my brother.  So... I thought it was the norm.  Apparantly it's not.  In relationship class one week in church (that's a whole different subject- ask about that one in person) that topic got brought up and almost half of the ward didn't even know about it.  Some guys liked the idea of a girl being thoughtful enough to pop open the door for them, others didn't because it seemed to "put down" that act of a gentleman he just did of opening the door for her.

What are your opinions on popping the door open?  Girls, did you know that this practice even existed?  Guys, how would you feel if a girl popped open a door for you after you just opened the door to a car for her?

I once went on a date where I had to wait in the car for the guy to come around and open the door for me to get out.  It was really awkward for me.  Then again, some girls like having the door being opened on departure and arrival.  I'm a departure-only kind of girl.  Then again, I'm a door-popping kind of girl too... and some guys don't like it at all.  Like I don't like having to wait in a car for someone to open the door for me... unless the child lock is on.

2. Offering to pay for half of the meal.
In the past I've been in a relationship where I paid for most of what we did when it came to going out.  I thought that it was better to go out and have fun and have me pay, than not to go out at all.  My theory changed after that relationship.  Then I came home from my mission, and completely clueless about dating... I read a few times about girls offering to pay for half of the meal while on a date.  So, I thought that was the norm, and I started to do it.  To my surprise... I had a few interesting experiences with this one.  I realized soon after that if I had offered to pay for half of the meal on the date and the guy accepted, it would be a deal breaker.  If a guy asks you out on a date, he should pay for it, should he not?  Opinions on this one are more than welcome.

3. Holding of the hands
To many people, holding hands is a HUGE step for them.  It might take forever for a guy to get the guts to hold a girls' hand.  Then again, there are guys that hold girls' hands on the first date just as if he were escorting them with his arm.  Now, I can see how with a certain person holding hands can be taken completely out of context if it's the first date and all your date wants to do is guide you around and have fun without the "holding of the hands step" coming into play.... opinions?

4. The follow-up
This is applied into two categories: A. The after-date text and B. How long you wait until you contact that person again (if interested).
A. The after-date text.  I once heard someone say they didn't understand the need of an after-date text if at the end of the night you sincerely thank your date, looking in the eyes, giving them a face-to-face personal thank you.  That texting has become more important that personal contact.  On the other-hand, some would say it's nice to know that even after the date the person you went out with is still thinking about it enough to send a thank you text saying that they enjoyed it.  Or, you can pull a "He's Just Not That Into You" move and say, "It was very nice to meet you," which basically means, "Thanks, but I'm not interested." (I've said that a couple of times... before I saw that trashy movie... not realizing what I really been saying underneath that sentence.  I'm beginning to understand...)
B. Girls: How long do you expect someone to contact you after a date?  Guys:  How long do you wait after a date to ask the girl out again (if interested)?  Or do you expect the girl to text your first? (Hint: If you expect the girl to text you first... wrong answer.)  And how long is too long? (Enter the PSYCH episode here where Sean is kidnapped and instead of calling Gus he accidentally calls a girl he went out on a date with 3 years prior who was obviously still aching that he hadn't called her back after the date and she thought it was because she ate two pieces of cheesecake on the date... here.)

I really do want to see everyones opinion on these... because I'm sure everyone goes through the dating ups and downs and it's interesting to get personal views on it all.  I'm sure there are big Do's and Don'ts of dating that I completely missed.  So please, leave your views on everything.  See what others have to say, do you agree/disagree?


  1. 1. I'm a door popper (I learned it from Laurie) and I HATE waiting in the car for someone to open the door. I can open it myself. They can open the door so I can get in if they really want to. Elliott used to get so annoyed when I would open doors to buildings while I was with him. That was stupid.

    2. If he asks me, he is paying. If I ask him, I intend to pay unless he fights me on it. Like freshman year when I went laser tagging.

    3. Sadly, holding hands means WAY more to me than kissing. Oops.

    4. I don't like to post-date-text. I've been told that is not okay though. Also, He's Just Not That Into You was a life changer for me. And yes, it is definitely trashy.

    5. I like your face.

  2. im married and i was never good at dating... but i think i know better than everyone so...

    1. popping or not popping is a non issue. most guys i know dont care or even notice. unless they are gay.

    2. guys should pay... i always paid.

    3. holding hands is whatever. i say feel it out on a case to case basis. (there should be no all encompassing rule for this one)

    4. i did post date calls the day after whether or not i liked her... i thought i was being classy.